I like finished things.
I like checking something off a list. I like being able to say, “Okay, that’s done.”
What I’m learning is that life doesn’t give me nearly as many of those moments as I would like.
Especially when it comes to me.
There are things God has changed in me completely.
And then there are things where I’m like…
Lord, we are still working on this?
Apparently, yes.
I think there was a time when I thought growth would eventually get me to this place where I felt finished. Like one day I would wake up and finally be the disciplined, consistent, mature Christian woman I was trying to become.
No struggles.
No bad days.
No having to tell myself the same thing God already told me three days ago.
Just finished.
That has not happened.
What has happened is that I can look back and see that I’m not where I used to be.
And I think I’ve been guilty of overlooking that because I’m so focused on where I still need to grow.
If I’m not careful, I can turn growth into another way to be hard on myself.
I prayed, but I could have prayed longer.
I read my Bible, but I could have studied more.
I handled something better than I would have a few years ago, but I still shouldn’t have gotten irritated in the first place.
There is always another “but.”
And I’m not saying we shouldn’t want to grow. I do.
I don’t ever want “God is still working on me” to become an excuse for refusing to change something He’s clearly dealing with me about.
But I also don’t think God is asking me to pretend I’m already at the end of a work He’s still doing.
Paul said something in Philippians that I keep coming back to:
“Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after…”
Philippians 3:12, KJV
I like that Paul admitted that.
Not because I needed permission to stay where I am, but because apparently being unfinished doesn’t disqualify me from continuing.
Paul knew he hadn’t arrived.
And he kept going.
I’m learning there is something to be said for that.
For getting up and praying again.
For obeying again.
For apologizing when you get it wrong.
For trying again after you said you weren’t going to do that anymore and somehow did exactly that again.
For continuing to show up while God is still working on you.
Maybe I’ve spent too much time wanting evidence that I’m finished when the better evidence is that I’m still following.
I’m still here.
Still praying.
Still learning.
Still being corrected.
Still changing.
Still following Jesus.
That may not look as impressive as having everything figured out.
But I’m starting to think faithfulness matters more than looking finished.
And I’m definitely not finished.
But I’m still following